I spent today at a sales seminar.

Here is my following disclaimer: Deep down inside, I’m a positive person with a firm belief in myself and my future. I hide it behind a healthy layer of cynicism, sarcasm, and black humor. That said, here’s my recap:

Let’s begin by stating that I hate meetings. I really hate meetings that start at 8:30am. I really really hate meetings without a catered breakfast. I especially hate meetings that are in the bowels of hotels in large conference rooms which make you look around and wonder where they hired a blind designer with access to faux floral peach touches, carpeting of antique maps, and 1200 rows of flourescent lighting. Aren’t we off to a good start?

The morning session was about “goal setting.” I’m not bragging, but I’ve got that down. In college, before I wrote down my goals, I wrote down my values. Then I wrote down goals that aligned to my values. I did this without any training. It’s just my nature. I review my goals on a regular basis. I set monthly, weekly, daily, quarterly, annual, 2 year, and 5 year goals. I break my goals down into manageable steps. I discover resources to help meet my goals. I tell my friends about my goals so they can be my goal coaches. I have written my obituary. I have written the story of my life in 10 year increments until I was age 100. Okay, let’s face it, I’m fucking neurotic about goals. What a waste of a morning.

We had a workbook where we could fill out our goals. I wanted to ask if I got crayons and a sippy cup too. The speaker was some tragic machisimo latino thang approaching middle-age in a cloud of denial. Actually, he wasn’t that bad, but close.

Then we had the “VIP” lunch. I was stuck at a table with a tree hugger who didn’t understand the difference between communism and commune-ism. There was an argument about taxes in the united states vs. health care in europe. Someone said, “but healthcare in america is so much better than Europe,” to which I wanted to reply, “yeah if you can afford it…”

But I took Paul’s advice from this Onion Article and kept my fucking mouth shut. I wanted to bite my tongue. I wanted to scream. But more than anything I wanted to run out of the building and never have to sit next to these people again.

According to this test I’m:

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 52%
Visual : 47%
Left : 63%
Right : 36%

which means…

you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant with a balanced preference for auditory and visual inputs. Because of your “centrist” tendencies, the distinctions between various types of brain usage are somewhat blurred.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor, unless it requires total spontaneity and ability to improvise, your weaker traits. However, you are far from rigid or overcontrolled. You possess a degree of individuality, perceptiveness, and trust in your intuition to function at much more sophisticated levels than most.

Having given sufficient attention to detail, you can readily perceive the larger aspects and implications of a situation or of learning. You are functional and practical, but can blend abstraction and theory into your framework readily.

The equivalence of your auditory and visual learning orientation gives you two equally effective sensory input systems, each with distinctive features. You can process both unidimensionally and multidimen- sionally with equal facility. When needed, you sequence material while at other times you “intake it all” and store it for processing later.

Your natural ability to use your senses is also synthesized in your way of learning. You can be reflective in your approach, absorbing material in a non-aggressive manner, and at other times voracious in seeking out stimulation and experience.

Overall you tend to be somewhat more critical of yourself than is necessary and avoid enjoying life too much because of a sense of duty. You feel somewhat constrained and tend to sometimes restrict your expressiveness. In any given situation, you will opt for the rational, and learning of almost any type should be easy for you. You might need certain ideas explained to you in order to fit them into your scheme of things, but you’re at least open to that!

Just for my pal Ray, I decided I should determine what Canadian Province I am.

The results:

You’re British Columbia. You’re hip and happenin’
but also a nice person who isn’t a snob. Career
is important to you but it isn’t your whole
life. People assume that your life is perfect
and that you have it all, like you were born
with a silver spoon in your mouth. But it’s not
true; you do have your own set of troubles just
like everybody else.

What Canadian Province Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Homos in Canada can get married!

Read all about it here.

Congratulations to you. But I still couldn’t handle your weather And just because you can stay home and get married is absolutely NO EXCUSE to miss SF pride.

My political compass:
Economic Left/Right: -4.38
Authoritarian/Libertarian: -5.44