Went surfing this evening for the first time since getting my butt kicked by the waves a few months ago. Waves were small, too small, really. I was hoping for baby waves that would be gentle on me. But the waves were really non-existent.

There was also a strong wind coming up from the south, which made the water kind of odd. The wind also managed to blow my surfboard across the top of the car when I was putting it back on the roof, so I managed to scratch both the car and the surfboard. I was not amused. To put it politely.

I need to find some surf buddies. My surf coach isn’t calling me back. I’m not sure what I’m doing on the waves. I’m terrified I’m going to break my neck and die. I’m afraid I’ll make an ass out of myself, run into someone else, or otherwise just generally bring humiliation upon the family name while at the beach.

But I’m not giving up. I’ve never encountered anything quite like surfing. It might be hard to break into the sport. I’m probably making it more difficult than I need to (it’s one of my favorite hobbies, that I’m only slowly letting go of).

I love surfing. God do I love surfing.

For all of you that provided snail mail addresses, I finally have your letters printed and in envelopes. They should go out in the mail tomorrow. Thanks for your help with this.

I’ve discovered my body time-clock turns on at about 11pm and doesn’t shut down until about 2am. It’s weird. If I’m not asleep by 11, I can pretty much kiss it off until 2.

For years I’ve fought this, but I guess I am who I am, and I need to learn to embrace it and make it work. I may be groggy as hell at 9am, but lemme tell ya, I’m razor sharp at 1am.

Peace out.

New New New

Hope y’all like the new look. Thanks to Kathy at blogmoxie for making it happen. We love it, so we hope you like it too.

We also moved to a new hosting provider, and lost a few of our recent entries (about Ayden, frustratingly enough) and comments in the move. I’m trying to get them back, but no gaurantees.

Also, after much debate, we’ve made the blog the entry point to our website.

Any permalinks that you had archived are now broken (sorry) because we renamed the directory from mattweblog to blog.

Viral Marketing Begin Now!

Thanks everyone for all your kind thoughts and comments. Sorry I haven’t had time to respond individually to you all. As I was slogging through the printing process for the birthmom letters, I realized that I live in a digital age and that email is cheap and friendly (except for spam, but that’s another story).

So I finally got around to doing something that I should have done months ago, and that is to create an adobe acrobat version of our birthmom letter.

Matt & Brian’s Adoption Letter (file size = 417k)

Please download a copy. Forward it on to your friends and family. Social workers, school counselors, ministers, librarians, nurses, doctors, pediatricans, ob-gyns, elected officials, neighborhood gossips…

I was thinking we could start a contest offering the chance to name our kid if you help us find the birthmom. But Brian’s kind of fussy about names. :-)

Ayden Florence Departs

The birthmother changed her mind, and has decided not to place Ayden Florence for adoption.

We had just got the call from our agency only moments after we had placed Ayden snuggly into her car seat and latched it in place for the drive home. We were merging onto the freeway, when the ‘counselor’ from our agency called to say we needed to head to the agency office.

Instead of moving the car to the left lanes for our voyage over the bay bridge and into the city, I pointed the car to the right lanes, the metaphorical fork in the road, and headed out on CA-24 to our agency.

We have cried, we have screamed, we have stared at each other with a silence that is just too big to bridge with words.

Please keep us in your thoughts. We aren’t giving up on adoption, and in fact we’d like to ask for your help.

If you are reading this and want to do something for us, we’d like to ask that you allow us to send you 5 copies of our dear birthmom letter so and then have you hand them out or post them to people you know that might help find another birthmom. You could post it on your bulletin board at church. You could give it to your primary care doctor or pediatric doctor. You could give it to a school counselor. A local minister. A social worker you know.

Think about it. There are at least five people that you can think who may be likely to come in contact with a woman who is pregnant and doesn’t know if she is able to care for the child with resources and love it deserves.

If you want to participate in our adoption networking project, please drop me an email at matt at fullerbrantner dot com and be sure to include your postal address.

We are sad. We miss Ayden and wish her well. But we aren’t bitter, and we don’t blame the birthmom in any way shape or form. We think she had good intentions, but she just couldn’t do it when push came to shove.

We will soldier on!

ps – thanks for all your warm wishes and good thoughts the past few days.

Ayden Florence Arrives

At 11:15pm on April 9, Ayden Florence arrived. 19 inches, 6 lbs. 6.4 ozs. Healthy!

Photo Gallery here.

Congratulations. More inspiration while we wait…

Posted by: shannon on April 12, 2004 05:00 PM

Posted by: Jeff on April 12, 2004 02:58 PM
Congratulations! She’s beautiful!

Posted by: Jen on April 12, 2004 12:37 PM
Congratulations! I found you through Daddy, Papa & Me. We have a 16 month old son, and hearing about your adoption reminded me of when we took him home from the hospital at 4 days old.

She’s beautiful!

Posted by: Terrance on April 12, 2004 10:53 AM

what a wonderful day!!

Trey, Guy and Emma (also an Aries… you’ve been warned ;) )

Posted by: trey on April 12, 2004 09:37 AM
Congrats & best wishes!!

Posted by: Alan on April 12, 2004 08:03 AM
Guys, we are so thrilled for you! I’m so happy for you that I’m crying a little! Congrats, congrats, congrats!! Welcomd to the world Ayden!

Shwa and Wes

Posted by: Shwa on April 11, 2004 04:46 PM
Congrats. I can’t believe how cute she is – and so tiny!

Posted by: Sharbean on April 11, 2004 12:35 PM
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!!

Congrats a million times over. And congrats to Matt’s Mom, who now needs to start signing herself as “Ayden’s Grandma”.

I’m making baby coo noises at your pictures. What a joy for you all.

Love you guys – I can’t say it enough – CONGRATS!

Posted by: picklejuice on April 11, 2004 10:25 AM
She is a gorgeous baby! I am glad you were able to be with her right after her birth. She is an incredibly lucky girl to have such great dads!

Posted by: Vicki on April 11, 2004 08:56 AM
I’m so happy for you guys. that’s awesome. She’s already a lucky girl.

Posted by: Jeff on April 10, 2004 09:36 PM
OMG! I am so happy for you two! Congrats!

Posted by: MJ on April 10, 2004 04:22 PM
Congrats!!! ;)

Posted by: Jeff on April 10, 2004 03:32 PM
that is great news guys, great pictures of the proud daddies.

Posted by: brent on April 10, 2004 12:41 PM
Congrats you two!!

Two proud daddies!

Posted by: Ray on April 10, 2004 10:02 AM
Where are the video links? When will the DVD be ready? I can’t wait until we take her to Tahoe! Congrats!!!

Posted by: Patrick on April 10, 2004 09:58 AM
I’m SO FRIKKIN Exicted I can’t even tell ya … CONGRATS…

Posted by: Pete Steinauer on April 10, 2004 09:19 AM
Absolute congrats. Beautiful child, indeed. Now the real fun begins!

Posted by: myke on April 10, 2004 06:52 AM
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Baby on the Brain

We are still matched. There hasn’t been a lot of drama, but that hasn’t stopped us from creating our own.

How do you prepare for the arrival of a baby while also staying prepared for the just-as-real possiblity that the baby will not arrive?

That is the tightrope we are walking these days. Our moms don’t seem super thrilled with the match, which makes for some even more exciting drama around the homefires.

Have you ever tried to find neutral information about drug use and it’s effect on babies? It’s pretty tough. Our birthmom smokes, and we also have some concerns about another substance [which won't be named here for the time being].

Ever wonder what the apgar test measures? Read here.

Comparison shopping for the baby play-pens? Oh yeah, we’ve been doing that online too.

Wondering what kind of formula to feed your baby? Honestly, we haven’t. But some of our friends have been wondering for us. I wish they’d hurry up and give us some answers. :-)

This part of the adoption is not fun. Preparing to be a dad while simultaneously preparing to not be a dad is, well, not possible.